Problems and How to Deal with It

Hello, how are you? I hope you guys are doing just fine! I’m here totally fine because I’m on holiday at the moment. And guess what, I’m having 1,5 months of holiday! I’m so thankful that I can rest TT---TT And, it’s been almost a year for me to not post here. I am so sorry T^T I even couldn’t post about my 20^th birthday :( I am truly sorry :( *bows*

Anyway, firstly, let me apologize because I’ve never been on this blog lately. You know, 4^th term was a really hard for me to pass. Assignments seemed to be endless, people were being annoying—begged me to do some of their tasks, homesick problems, etc. it was really tough for me. I don’t know how many time I’ve been crying because of it. 

But! Now its all okay! My score for this term has announced already, and the result isn’t bad. To be honest, it is better than my previous terms. I am so happy. Thank you for your supports!

As what  I’ve said earlier, there was so many things that have happened on my latest term. If you don’t mind, I’d like to share my story when I’m not around. (Please get prepared, it might be a long post!)

 

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Being Fake?

Hello, guys, how are you? I'm so sorry that I've just posted something on this blog for a long time! I've been busy with college life and right now I'm joining an English course to prepare my TOEFL test. wish me luck! >_<

Anyway, along with this post I'm gonna share my thoughts about most of people (especially those who are in the same age like me) that I've met. You know, I am not that kind of person who likes to socialize a lot. I mean, yeah, I love having friends but I prefer to have a few friends who love me just the way I am. It's not like I don't like to be judged, but, I prefer a long and loyal friendship.

Since I studied here far from my hometown, I've met so many people from different places, and I went along well with them. But sometimes I think that this kind of college life just force you to be an active person who loves to hang out everyday, making new friends everyday, becoming famous so you'll be noticed by other students, having a long conversation even though it's pointless... For adaptation, I tried to be nice to everyone, and it worked. And as the time went by, I showed them that I love learning English and Japanese. I told them my hobbies; such as writing, reading, watching anime, drawing comics... But then what? They started to see me as a weirdo--as a nerd who likes those Japanese stuffs. I thought if I become nice, they'll become nice too, eh? But I was wrong.

D-1

Hello guys! How are you all? Guess what? Today is August 28th, and that meaaaaaaaaans.... my college-days will be started soon!! Oh my God, I'm really nervous at the moment. I have to meet lots of different people later, and have to study harder to reach my dreams! It's really sjhjdfjdfgbk. I even couldn't say how am I feeling right now. I'm really nervous but I am also really excited!

I'm gonna go to Jogja tomorrow morning. I will go there with my family: my dad, my mom, my sister, and two of my brothers. We will go there by car. And I hope the trip will be fun and won't take much time. I hope tomorrow won't be a traffic jam so we could arrive earlier.

Days before I Leave.

Hello guys how are you? Just a few weeks until I finally leave my hometown. You know, spending 18 years here in Sidoarjo, has given me so many good things, good people, good memories.... yeah, it's so hard for me to leave my hometown, remembering all of my family members live here. And I have to admit that I am kinda afraid to live alone at Jogja later >.< hehe~

This month, I've had so many great things (and bad things, of course, but the great things are more!) happened. Yup, I had good days when Ramadhan and Eid day came. I spent my days a lot with my whole family. I came over to their houses and had fun with them a lot: playing video games, playing badminton, and many things! They are so precious to me and really, it's so sad that I only have a few days until I really go to Jogja for 4 years. And what made me really happy is when my big family promised me to always visit me everytime they had holiday. It made me really happy! ^^

Anything Happened Lately...

Hello guys how are you? It's been a while for me for not posting here! Ah, anyway it's August already! It means that I'll go to college for not long after this! I'm so excited!!

Ah, anyway I'm not feeling better lately. I used to sleep above 1 am. And when I made this posting, it's almost midnight.

Well, I don't really understand why I have such a bad habit of sleeping. Some of my friends said that it's normal but some of them said that I'm too overthinking of something. And I guess, the last statement is almost correct for me.

There are some things that I want to share to you, guys. I'm kinda tired of my life. I had such a bad memories from someone that I thought was one of my good friend. Well, you know already that I like to have many friends even from the internet. I thought he's my good friend, we share a lot of things we like. He's younger than me, he's 15 years old. He's such an adorable lil brother.

I thought so before.

Best Friends

Hello, guys, how are you? Ah~ it's been a long time. I still have my holiday, and I'll enter my university on September. So it means I'll leave my hometown for about 1 month later. It makes me so nervous, because I'll live alone >_<


Ah, right now, I'm gonna write about friendship (again). Well, as the time goes by, I finally become more and more mature and understanding what is the best for me, and what is the worst. So does with people—friends.

We all know that the best people around us is our family—parents, sister, cousins... They are the best. They are always there when I need them the most—when the world ignores me. But then, we're back to our definition of human being—which is each human can't live without each other. Every humans need help from the others. So, that means that we—I—need to socialize outside.

I'm not that kind of people who get friends easily. I'm so shy, I don't talk much. Outside I'll be just like such a careless—mean girl. But inside, I actually watch; see everything. I know about A's gossips, I know about B's problems, but, I prefer to keep it by myself. 

My First Love, My First of Everything

As what as I promised on the lastest post, I'm gonna post another post today. Well, from the title you must be know what I'll write down here.

First love. I'm sure that anyone ever has their own first love. My friends said that first love is someone who has been your first boyfriend/girlfriend. But, I guess that's wrong. That's so wrong in my definition.

But then I found the definition of first love, which is so similar with what I thought :

Classmates

Hello, I'm back! Muahahahahaha *evil laugh* *wait, what?* *slapped*

Okay. Remembering that I am on a long holiday lately, seems like I'm gonna post so many things here. Ah, anyway, I'm quite sad because there will be a Cosplay event on April 28th......which is also my birthday! My birthday, I tell you! And do you know what the hell is the thing that makes me sad??? I CAN'T COME!!!! T^T my parents don't allow me to come T^T so meaaaaaaaaaaan T^T but I'm quite okay with it (readers: what the hell???) because they have bought me a new pair of shoes, so, yeah, my disappointment become less. aha aha aha~

Ah, anyway, do you remember that I'm in a final grade? Yeah, sometimes I really want to graduate soon but, yeah, remembering all of high school memories are such a pain for me. And sometimes I think, "I don't want my friends and I become apart."

Aw, what is that, Dea? well, that's my lovely class called 12 Multimedia 1. My classmates give name to it named MUNO (Multimedia Uno [re: uno = one in Spain]). It means that our class is always be the number one--either in our school or outside the school.

My class consist of 36 students, but unfortunately it was become 35 because one of them was dropped out from our school. My class has 13 boys and the rest are girls (include me, lol xD). Ah, about the boys, do you remember that I've posted about my them in my blog? (if you haven't read it just click this.) But, yeah, we finally realize that we're only humans. Differences always exist, but in the end we can't live without each other, right? :^)

Honestly, my class is awesome. I do really love my class a lot. I'm proud to be a part of them. We're cohesive, we have collected so many achievements and rewards from school until outside of school.
Here are the rewards that we've got so far:

Happy Birthday, Minsung.

Time just goes so fast, doesn't it? It's 2013 and it's also April already! And today, is a special day. Now, on April 7th, the greatest friend ever of mine, have a birthday! Yay, I'm so excited! 

Now in my country is 12 p.m, and meanwhile in US, is 12 a.m, so....
1...2...3!!

Happy Birthday, Minsung. 

I wish you would have great moments through this year.

I hope on your 18th birthday, you will have so many good chances to help you to reach your dreams.

I hope you'll stay just the way you are and have many good people around you.

Once again, Happy Birthday, Superman.

I'm so sorry that I can't greet you live to your face, I just wish that I could, but, you know, it's too far and I don't have time. But, anyway, you're 18 now. I hope everything's gonna run well in this year. I hope you can be more mature and wise to talk, to act, to give your opinions... everything! I hope you can be just the way you are. Just like that boy who wore that superman shirt, hehehe~~ ^^

Ah, I have a present for you:

just a friend-art (again), hehehe~ sorry that all I can do is just make this.

Ah, Minsung. You know what, I'm so excited about your birthday. And I even don't know why. I'm just so happy when I made you that drawing. I made that with all of my heart. And, I even made it so fast! >__<

Dear Minsung, I'm happy that I'm still healthy, so that I can greet you on your birthday (even though it's not face-to-face). I'm so happy that I could make you a drawing again as the present. I hope you won't get bored that I always give you the same present every year ^^;

Minsung, you know right that my birthday is also in this month? I am so excited. And I hope.... I hope... you could greet me too :')

So, yeah, I think that's a quite long birthday greeting, ahaha..

So...

Minsung, you know, I miss you so much. 'Till now. Until now.

But, yeah, it's up to you anyway. I hope you'll have a great day!

Once again, Happy Birthday, my Superman :)

boyfriend?

Hello guys how are you? I'm quite fine lately, eventhough the National Exam is getting closer each day. I'm lately addicted to an online game called Pockie Ninja, and I play it almost everyday because it's fun! I play it via facebook.You have to try it, too! I recommend you! :D  (p.s : if you join, you have to add my account and join my legion! :D /slapped/)

Ah, well, enough about the craziness! XD Well, you guys must be asking why do I give the title like that. Do you want to know why? Okay, I'll tell you now that :

I have a boyfriend.

AHAHAHAHA. Boyfriend, you said? YES! Boyfriend!

But, I'm not quite sure about this relationship. It's just flowing like water and voila, that is. We are having a long distance relationship. Our age are just separate a month. He born on March meanwhile I born on April. Our age are 18 (I'll be 18 next April).

But, I don't know. He said to his friend that we are already become a couple, but I still feel the same. I don't feel such a 'butterflies' in my stomach. I sometimes feel it, but the 'butterflies' are just a while, not like when I chatted with Minsung. I feel that so much of 'butterflies' in my stomach, but when I with my "boyfriend" I feel that........nothing special. He's special, but...not as special as my Minsung.

Today I thought that:
"What the hell is this feeling? I'm unsure about my own feeling. I don't know that I really like my "boyfriend" or am I just bored with my status?"

So, guys, what do you think about this? Can you give me some advice, please? 

"Happy Birthday," he said.

I found this little conversation on my inbox on fb. 

It's when he said happy birthday to me. It's been years ago, but I still smile when I read this. I miss you, Minsung. I hope you will greet me a happy birthday again this April.

I love you.

 

Dear Minsung,

Dear Minsung,

Hello, how are you? Are you doing fine there in New York? I hope, I hope you'll always be fine just like me here in Indonesia.

Hey, Minsung. Do you remember me? I am Dea, your friend in facebook. Yeah, maybe I was your friend, but, you are always be my friend, I mean, my best friend. Ah, I'm on 12th grade and it means that I'll go to the university this year! I am so excited! Are you too?

Anyway, I miss you so much. I mean it. I am missing you like a dumb.
I don't know how can I express this feeling. I've said this so many times, don't you remember?

Whenever I text you, even it's just a "good night message" or just a "hi," from me, it means that you are the one that I've been thinking of.

DO you know? When I type this post, it's midnight in my country. I can't sleep, Minsungie. I miss you so much. I am worried about you and I even don't know why.

Stupid? Me? Indeed.

I've stalked your blog too, Minsungie, Sometimes I'm so confused. You said that you want someone who cares about you, who miss you, who loves you just the way you are.

I do, Minsung. I do.

I.........I can't explain it why I become crazy about you. I just love you this much.
Am I not good enough?

Yes, I am not perfect, Minsungie. I hope, I hope you can open your eyes. Don't you remember what we've been in our 2 years?

I know we're just friends, but, it's okay. I just want to be with you, you know?

I miss our chats, even just by wall and inbox, and texts.
I miss the way you type my name.
I miss when you greet me a "Happy Birthday,"
I miss when you say to me, "...I hope our friendship will be last longer,"

I miss you, Minsung.
I miss you so much.

This may sounds stupid. But, this is me.
You may think I'm crazy. Go ahead.

I miss you so much. I wish you will response me.
I am sorry if I bother you. Please forgive me.


Lots of love,
Dea

Happy Valentine!

Hello, guys. Happy Valentine's Day.
How's your Valentine? Was it good? ^^

I don't celebrate it because I don't have a boyfriend smh -_- but it's okay. I'm a happy single, tho :p

I have a drawing for you, this is originally made by me. I hope you like ^^

Lots of love,
Dea

Love, eh?

Hi, everyone, how are you? I'm doing well lately, because my final project is over already and I can be focused on the National Exams. Oops, but, wait! It's not done! I have to do my other project which is making a digital magazine for National Digital Magazine Competition that will be happened on this last February. I hope my team and I can get the first winner of it for this year. wish me luck ~ :)

Ah, anyway, it's February. February, I tell you! And, it's almost.........Valentine's Day. Hahaha, do you know what am I thinking? Yeah, I'm single and I'm happy tho. But.....I still can move on from this friend-zoned condition.

You know, guys, I've been trapped in this kind of situation since two years ago. Two years! Two years, I tell you!

I've fallen in love with a boy who live in USA. And you all know, guys, that I live here in Indonesia. Such a dramatical(?) love story, eh? hahaha......

He left me all of sudden and I don't know what made him like that. He even didn't tell me what kind of reason that made him left me.

We were bestfriends. Um, no, we are bestfriends. I don't know, but sometimes I feel like...I fall in love with his kindness, care, jokes, all of it. Or maybe, just maybe, I fall in love with our friendship.

I love him. I do love him, and our friendship. I want to be his, but I don't want to lose the bonds that we've made so far. Why do I really love our friendship? I don't know. I just feel like he's the one who can understand me. He's the one that I can tolerate with. He's the one who make me believe that distance, time differences, and our other differences can't let our friendship broken. Even though he left me now, I don't know why I still believe in it. What should I do..............? T^T

I believe in him.

ajdhsakjfhksdhjkhfkh I love him so much.
I wish I can say this on "real-life", not by internet. I am still stalking his blog (but I won't tell you his blog's url :p).


Okay. Now I don't know how to continue this. Maybe I'll post the others on Valentine? Probably yes, because I don't have a valentine -_- hahaha.

Bye, everyone. Take care ^^

Feelings of A Fangirl

"...I always want to be the part of these beautiful oceans..."

my friends know that I am a big fan of SHINee and Super Junior since a long time ago. I heard that Super Junior will be held a Super Show 4 Indonesia and SHINee will also join the Music Bank World Tour. My friends asked me when will those concerts be held. I said that SHINee's will be on May 2012 and... SS4 Indonesia.... will be on April 28th - 29th 2012. You know, April 28th is my birthday. That's what makes me really sad.

They said that I CAN'T prove myself as a fans. Well, I am really mad and super upset and angry about what they said.

I asked to my parents if I could watch them but as what I've expected, they refused.
I am not a lucky fangirl because I don't have enough money to buy the ticket. I know that maybe these concert will be my last chance but... yeah, I guess... I really can't watch them LIVE by myself.

My friends laugh at me, and unfortunately I can't deny their laugh.
Well, maybe I AM too hyper of being a fangirl but.. I don't know. I just feel a kind of joy that I can't find it anywhere. I am PROUD of being a fangirl; even though I can't be a part of those oceans in the concert.

I am proud of being a SHAWOL. 
I am proud of being an ELF.

I believe that someday I can be there, too.
Soon.

Between Us

I was thinking. Yeah, thinking the same person, over and over again.
I know it sounds crazy but, yeah, I admit it.

I admit it that I loved—no. I do love him.

I am a type of person that hard to forget someone's mistakes. Well, maybe it sounds selfish but the mistakes that I meant is when the person did the same mistakes over and over again to me. I was trying to avoid him, to leave him, to knock him down but in the end—I forgave him.

"Whoa that's so kind of you," well, guys, maybe you can say so. But the reason is... I love him too much.
Well, sounds silly but I admit it. 

He has apologized to me and deep inside my heart, I still couldn't forgive him. But... I don't know why I could say this in the end, "That's alright. We're friends, right?"

He said that he knew that I don't want to lose him. And how surprised I was when he said,

"...and, I want to make your feelings bigger,"

Damn! Those butterflies came again to my stomach. I couldn't deny it.. I couldn't refuse those kind of feelings anymore. It's still the same. It's still the same just like the first time I like him.

Now, he already has a girlfriend. Sometimes the jealous feelings come to me, but, I have to accept it and now I'm okay with it. I have no problem about it.

Well, I hope I can say this to him someday, that I really love him. But I just can't.
I am afraid of rejection, and now isn't a good time to say this.

I hope, me and him won't fight anymore.

I love him—and I always will.