SHINee WON!!

and I'm just like

and then become ...

and ...

well, SHINee, you're the best! ^^

Feelings of A Fangirl

"...I always want to be the part of these beautiful oceans..."

my friends know that I am a big fan of SHINee and Super Junior since a long time ago. I heard that Super Junior will be held a Super Show 4 Indonesia and SHINee will also join the Music Bank World Tour. My friends asked me when will those concerts be held. I said that SHINee's will be on May 2012 and... SS4 Indonesia.... will be on April 28th - 29th 2012. You know, April 28th is my birthday. That's what makes me really sad.

They said that I CAN'T prove myself as a fans. Well, I am really mad and super upset and angry about what they said.

I asked to my parents if I could watch them but as what I've expected, they refused.
I am not a lucky fangirl because I don't have enough money to buy the ticket. I know that maybe these concert will be my last chance but... yeah, I guess... I really can't watch them LIVE by myself.

My friends laugh at me, and unfortunately I can't deny their laugh.
Well, maybe I AM too hyper of being a fangirl but.. I don't know. I just feel a kind of joy that I can't find it anywhere. I am PROUD of being a fangirl; even though I can't be a part of those oceans in the concert.

I am proud of being a SHAWOL. 
I am proud of being an ELF.

I believe that someday I can be there, too.
Soon.

Between Us

I was thinking. Yeah, thinking the same person, over and over again.
I know it sounds crazy but, yeah, I admit it.

I admit it that I loved—no. I do love him.

I am a type of person that hard to forget someone's mistakes. Well, maybe it sounds selfish but the mistakes that I meant is when the person did the same mistakes over and over again to me. I was trying to avoid him, to leave him, to knock him down but in the end—I forgave him.

"Whoa that's so kind of you," well, guys, maybe you can say so. But the reason is... I love him too much.
Well, sounds silly but I admit it. 

He has apologized to me and deep inside my heart, I still couldn't forgive him. But... I don't know why I could say this in the end, "That's alright. We're friends, right?"

He said that he knew that I don't want to lose him. And how surprised I was when he said,

"...and, I want to make your feelings bigger,"

Damn! Those butterflies came again to my stomach. I couldn't deny it.. I couldn't refuse those kind of feelings anymore. It's still the same. It's still the same just like the first time I like him.

Now, he already has a girlfriend. Sometimes the jealous feelings come to me, but, I have to accept it and now I'm okay with it. I have no problem about it.

Well, I hope I can say this to him someday, that I really love him. But I just can't.
I am afraid of rejection, and now isn't a good time to say this.

I hope, me and him won't fight anymore.

I love him—and I always will.